


Who Let the Flagg out of the Bag?

by Talayse



Series: Nobody Expects the Flagg [4]
Category: MASH (TV), Marvel, Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4284693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talayse/pseuds/Talayse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just who has been letting Flagg out of his secure retirement facility?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Let the Flagg out of the Bag?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is 100% funnier if you read Colonel Flagg's lines in Colonel Flagg's voice. Never met Colonel Flagg? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2TrW8jR8EM

In the Connecticut River valley there is a nondescript building that houses SHIELD's OSH facility, or Old Spies Home. It is currently the home of one Colonel Flagg, who has his own room. The other retired spies refuse to bunk up with him after the incident with the exploding mattress.

A panel opened in the ceiling. Flagg ignored it and continued to read his mission briefing. Anyone else looking at the file would have seen that it was full of blank pages, but to Flagg's eyes, it contained vital intelligence.

"Psst, Colonel Flagg," said a voice from the ceiling. "Are you ready for your next mission?"

Flagg closed his file and stashed it under his mattress. He'd eat it later. "I'm never off duty," Flagg replied. "Even when I'm off duty I'm not off duty."

A roped dropped down from the ceiling. Flagg examined it for a moment before determining that it was in fact a rope. He hauled himself up into the cramped space above the acoustic tiles. In the darkness his eyes could barely make out the figure of his superior, he had a vague impression of red and black and a distressing feeling that he was taking orders from a panda bear.

"It's a tricky one this time, Colonel."

"I live for the tricky ones," Colonel Flagg asserted.

"Very dangerous," said his superior. "There's a strong possibility that you could die."

Colonel Flagg huffed, "Death isn't ready for me yet. What's the mission?"

His superior handed him a picture. "Find that man. Bring him in."

"What are my authorisations?" Flagg asked, trying to look at the picture in the dark.

"Any means necessary."

"It's like Christmas," Flagg said, stuffing the photo into his shirt.

"I should warn you, there are others looking for this one. And he's also authorized to use any means necessary to avoid capture. He's very dangerous, he's killed more people than you could ever dream to aspire to."

Colonel Flagg huffed again, "We'll see about that. Rendezvous?"

"I'll find you. Now, let's get you on your way."

His superior led him out of the ceiling and down an elevator shaft to a basement garage.

"Give the Winter Soldier a kiss for me when you find him," said his superior before leaving.

Flagg watched him go. Taking orders from a red and black panda bear was the furthest from the strangest thing he'd ever done. He immediately set about the task.

On the roof, Deadpool lounged against an air conditioning unit and waited for Flagg to make his exit. It had become his favourite pastime to wind up Flagg and watch him go. It was nice to meet someone crazier than himself.

Flagg exited the building dressed as a very unconvincing lady of the night and Deadpool hugged himself with glee.


End file.
